I was listening to my friend and colleague, Elliott Hinkle with Unicorn Solutions present last week. Elliott is a beautiful soul with lived experience and has dedicated their life to educating others about youth impacted by systems, especially foster care systems and systems that hurt or oppress LGBTQ+ youth. Every time you feel like you know about systems of oppression, you learn more, especially from people with lived experience.

Did you know (from The Trevor Project): 

• LGBTQ+ youth are 4x more likely to attempt suicide than straight peers 

• 30% of youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ+ 

• 28% of LGBTQ+ youth have experienced homelessness in the past year 

BUT – did you ALSO know (from Family Acceptance Project): 

• We can reduce the risk of suicide by 40% for a youth by having ONE accepting family member in a youth’s life 

Here’s another eye-opening graphic, shared by Elliott at a recent workshop: 

It turns out that showing support on social media, or displaying pride flags is great. But simply believing a youth to know who they are, standing up for them, and supporting LGBTQ+ legislation are things you can DO right now to protect youth. 

I’d love to hear from you about one way you’re going to move into action to support vulnerable youth in your community. Here’s what I’m doing – I’m collaborating with professionals who have lived experience to adapt Cards for Connection™ to ensure that professionals working with LGBTQ+ youth have access to brief mental health interventions and supportive care about relational health. No child on my watch will go without knowing that they are unconditionally loved. 

If you want to learn more about The Unconditional Love Challenge in our curriculum, reach out today. 

There are a few hard and fast ways to build connection with kids. One of them is showing up. When our children are little, it seems their requests are endless. The ways we are asked to show up are constant and may seem small or menial. “Mom, watch this,” as he splashed into the pool. “Mom, come here, I can find…” as she rummages through her room. “Mommy, where is my…” “Mama, come and see…” They search for you during school plays, concerts, and little league games, their eyes scanning the crowd until they find…YOU. Their person. 

Here’s my encouragement for you. Show up. Show up for all the little things. My kids must have gotten “married” a thousand times in our backyard. I’ve watched hundreds of bike races, doll shows, art galas, and countless sporting events. I’ve wrangled soccer players, volunteered for Girl Scouts (So.Many.Cookies.) and coached little league. My job allowed me to attend school events, leave work a bit early to catch send-offs, and celebrate last “everythings.”

And now, at 19 and 21, all of the little things add up to the big things. They still call. It’s 2:12 on a Saturday afternoon, and my son’s name and photo pop up on my phone. “Mom, I sold my first car! I’m on the leaderboard.” I celebrate him. “Mom, can I take Tylenol and allergy medication together?” He’s looking for my reassurance. “Mom, can I bring her home to meet you?” My chest swells with love. 9:22 on a Saturday morning, “Mom, I finished my first race since my surgery.” She’s on Facetime and shows off her medal. “Mom, how do you make pork loin in the crockpot?” And I walk her through the steps. “Mom, can I go on that business trip with you? Just me and you?” I can’t think of a better travel partner. 

For years, my husband and I have shown up for our kids. He races across town, 45 minutes in traffic, to be sure our daughter sees his face for the science fair in 8th grade. He’s the first to the pool, despite the fact that she never gets first place. We don’t care how they do; we care that they know we’re there, no matter what. I’m the first mom at the back gate to be sure our son has all of his gear and back number before he rides. He waves and tells me he loves me in front of his friends, even as a teenager. Showing up matters – it’s how children know with confidence, that they matter.

So, today, I was not surprised when my daughter called me, finishing a 5K after having knee surgery last summer. I’m rushing between airline gates, trying to find my connecting flight so I can teach a workshop. But she knows I’ll answer. She’s on the phone, Facetime, and she’s sweaty, smiling, and proud. She’s so excited to share her triumph, dangling her medal. And who shows up behind her on her phone? A head pops up onto the screen. It’s her brother. My son. They get it. We show up for each other. 

Showing up matters. If you want to build connection with your child. Show up for the small stuff. I promise it will all be worth it – build that pattern now. You’ll never regret it. 

Tell me, how do you show up for your family? How do you show up for kids?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how many leaders are carrying impossible expectations right now. You’re being asked to support overwhelmed teams while still maintaining accountability.

You’re being asked to hold boundaries without damaging relationships.

You try to navigate burnout, conflict, staffing shortages, emotional exhaustion, and increasing complexity… while somehow staying calm, compassionate, and steady through all of it. And honestly?

You’ve never actually been supported to do this in a relational, sustainable way. Most leadership models lean heavily in one direction or the other:

Either “be empathetic” or “hold the line.”
But the healthiest leadership doesn’t live at either extreme.
It lives in the middle. Duality – if you know me, you know how important this is.

Strong backbone. Warm heart.
Clear expectations paired with relational safety.
Accountability paired with connection.
Boundaries paired with steadiness and compassion.

That balance is not always easy, especially when systems are stretched thin, and everyone is carrying more than they can hold. But I also believe it’s one of the most important leadership skills of our time.

That’s exactly why we created this new, free resource:
Strong Backbone, Warm Heart:
5 Ways Leaders Can Balance Expectations and Empathy.

Inside, I share practical relational leadership strategies for:
• navigating difficult conversations
• reducing resentment and misalignment
• supporting staff without lowering standards
• creating more shared ownership and trust
• leading with greater clarity and steadiness

This resource is especially designed for:
• school & district leaders
• healthcare and nonprofit leadership
• supervisors and managers
• child & family-serving organizations

Because leadership is not just about productivity or compliance, it’s about creating environments where people can stay connected, regulated, accountable, and supported enough to continue doing meaningful work sustainably.

And right now, many teams desperately need that kind of leadership.

Download the resource here (it’s free)!

Let’s zoom out.

Because this work? 

It’s bigger than a workshop.
Bigger than a strategy.
Bigger than one classroom or clinic. 

This is about how we build systems that actually support children. 

Right now, we are asking individuals to carry systemic problems. 

·       Teachers managing mental health crises 

·       Pediatricians addressing trauma in 15 minutes 

·       Parents navigating overwhelm without support 

And then we wonder why everyone feels like they’re failing. 

They’re not failing. The system is underbuilt for what we’re asking it to do. 

What if we built it differently? 

What if: 

·       Every adult had simple tools for connection and regulation 

·       Every interaction became an opportunity for safety 

·       Every child experienced consistent, relational responses across environments 

That’s not idealistic. That’s possible. 

I’ve seen it happen. 

Rooms shift.
Teams soften.
Language changes.
Hope returns. 

Not because everything got easier— 

But because people felt capable again. 

This is what we’re building: 

Not more pressure. 

Not more programs. 

But relational capacity inside systems. 

Call to Action 

If you’re ready to move beyond awareness and into real, practical change— 

Let’s build this together. 

 Book a call to explore bringing this work—and Cards for Connection—into your organization or community. 

Because the future of mental health? 

It’s not somewhere else. 

It’s already in the hands of the people showing up every day. 

Let’s equip them.

Let me offer a reframe that might change how you see every hard moment with a child: 

Behavior is communication. 

Not manipulation.
Not defiance.
Not “attention-seeking.” 

Communication. 

And once you see it—you can’t unsee it. 

I think about a moment early in my career… 

A child was completely dysregulated—
screaming, thrashing, falling apart. 

Every adult in the room was focused on stopping the behavior. 

But underneath it? 

Fear.
Powerlessness.
Overwhelm. 

When we only address behavior, we miss the message. 

And when we miss the message—We escalate the problem. 

Here’s the shift: 

From:
“What’s wrong with this child?” 

To:
“What happened—and how can I help?” 

That question alone changes your tone, your posture, your response. 

And kids feel it immediately. 

What this looks like in real life: 

Instead of:
“Stop that right now.” 

Try:
“I can see this is really hard. I’m here.” 

Instead of:
“Why are you acting like this?” 

Try:
“Something’s going on. Want to tell me or show me?” 

Instead of control— 

Connection. 

But let me be clear: 

This is not about being permissive. 

Children still need boundaries. 

They still need adults who are clear, firm, and steady. 

But…Boundaries land differently when they come through relationship. 

Call to Action 

If your team is stuck in behavior cycles that feel reactive, exhausting, and ineffective… 

It’s not because they don’t care. 

It’s because they haven’t been given the right tools. 

 Let’s talk about how to shift from behavior management to relationship-based practice in your organization. 

This is where real change begins.

Let’s talk about impact. 

Not buzzwords. Not inspiration. 

Actual, measurable change. 

Because when we talk about equipping everyday professionals, people often nod… and then quietly wonder: 

“Does this actually work?” 

Let me answer that clearly. 

Yes. And not in small ways. 

When professionals are given relational tools—not just expectations—we see: 

·       98% report more tools 

·       81% increase confidence 

·       82% feel less burned out 

·       99% report increased hope 

Pause on that last one. 

Hope. 

Right now, hope might be the most depleted resource in systems that serve children. 

Why does this work? 

Because burnout isn’t just about workload. It’s about feeling ineffective. 

I hear it every week: 

·       “I don’t know what to do with these behaviors anymore.” 

·       “Nothing is working.” 

·       “I’m exhausted and it’s not getting better.” 

And they’re right. Because we’ve trained people to manage behavior—
but not understand it. 

We’ve asked for compliance—without teaching regulation. 

We’ve expected connection—without modeling it. 

Let me tell you what shifts everything: 

When a teacher stops asking
“How do I get this child to listen?” 

and starts asking
“What does this child need right now?” 

When a provider pauses long enough to regulate themselves first. 

When a staff member has language—real language—to respond in hard moments. 

That’s when things change. 

Not overnight.
But meaningfully.
Sustainably. 

And here’s the part we don’t talk about enough: 

When adults feel more capable… 

Children feel safer. 

And when children feel safe— 

Behavior shifts. 

Learning opens. 

Relationships grow. 

Call to Action 

If your team is overwhelmed, stretched thin, and still showing up every day… 

They don’t need more pressure. 

They need more support. 

 Let’s talk about bringing practical, relational tools into your organization. 

This is how we reduce burnout

and increase impact—at the same time. 

I’m going to say something out loud that many of you have been thinking for a long time:

We cannot “refer & hope” our way out of this. 

There are not enough therapists.
There are not enough appointments.
There are not enough crisis beds. 

And yet… 

There are more children struggling than we’ve ever seen. 

I don’t say this lightly. I say this after decades of sitting with children in therapy rooms, hospitals, schools, and living rooms. I’ve worked alongside psychiatrists, teachers, pediatricians, and exhausted parents. 

And here’s what I know: 

Kids live in systems. 

They live in classrooms where teachers are getting hit, spit on, and burned out.
They live in homes where parents are overwhelmed and unsure.
They show up in clinics where providers have 15 minutes to solve what took years to build. 

I wrote recently about what’s happening in schools right now—
the throwing chairs, the dysregulation, the shutdown, the overwhelm. 

This is not a “behavior problem.” 

This is a capacity problem. 

We’ve asked a handful of specialists to hold what entire systems should be equipped to handle. And it’s collapsing. 

So what do we do? 

We shift the model. 

Because here’s the truth that changes everything: 

You don’t have to be a therapist to be therapeutic. 

Let me take you back to when I was 24—
a brand-new psychologist in a locked psychiatric unit with 12 kids in a dark room. 

The lights went out.
Kids were scared.
I was scared. 

I had no perfect intervention. 

So, I did the only thing I could: 

I got curious.
I named what was happening.
I helped them feel seen. 

And the room shifted. 

Not because I had a degree. 

But because I showed up regulated, relational, and human. 

That’s the work. 

And that work does not belong only to therapists. 

Imagine this instead: 

·       Classrooms where teachers know how to co-regulate instead of control 

·       Clinics where staff respond to behavior as communication 

·       Organizations where adults feel equipped—not exhausted 

That’s how we meet this moment. 

Not by adding more specialists. 

But by equipping the people already there. 

Call to Action 

If you’re leading a school, clinic, or organization and thinking: 

“Yes. This is exactly what we’re seeing—but we don’t know what to do next…” 

Let’s talk. 

We’re helping organizations build relational capacity using simple, practical tools that shift daily interactions—not just theory. 

 Book a call to explore bringing this work into your organization or community. 

Because the system doesn’t need more pressure. 

It needs a different approach. 

The past few weeks, we’ve been talking about centering your needs and advocating for you. I want to tell you a messy story of self-advocacy.

For me, working out at the gym, moving my body, and starting my day focused on my health is non-negotiable. Well, that and coffee. When I was working at a non-profit, running a private practice, and raising small kids, it was difficult to carve time out for and prioritize my self-care. At first, I struggled to ask for the time because my children and my spouse needed me. Then, I struggled to carve out time because I prioritized work, clients, and my business. Finally, I prioritized other people’s schedules so that I wouldn’t be seen as inflexible, unaccommodating, or selfish.

Wow, did that backfire on me! You know who made time for me after all of that? NO ONE.

Friends, no one is coming to your rescue. No one is looking out for your time away, your sanity, your mental health, nor your sense of self. At a certain point, I felt so wiped out that I had no other choice than to begin to protect my schedule. Appointments at 7pm to accommodate clients? Nope. Consistently early meetings that left me tired and unable to hit the gym? Nope. Rushing through meals to get to the next thing? Nope.

I started saying no. At first, it was a teeny-tiny voice. Then, the more confident I got, the easier it felt. Here’s an example – a client wanted to see me at 7pm. I said, “I’m not working past 5pm anymore. My schedule has shifted. I can see your family at 4pm.” At first, there was pressure about their work schedule, their travel schedule, kids missing school, etc. I responded with compassion AND firmness. “I understand and I can give you a referral to another practice, but my schedule doesn’t offer that time anymore.”

Notice that I didn’t say why.

Notice that I didn’t overexplain.

Notice that I offered compassion AND boundaries.

Guess what, they sighed, and took the time I offered. My time is valuable. And SO.IS.YOURS.

The only thing we get in life is our time – it’s the most valuable asset we have to offer others. Once, I truly embraced that, it was life-giving. Try it on.

And, if you’re a leader who needs to practice this message of compassion WITH boundaries, reach out. We’re here to help.

Last week, we talked about how important it is to consider your needs. This week, let’s talk about how to advocate for them. Wait…did you just hear screeching brakes? Were you like, wait, I cannot advocate for my needs? What excuse came up? What voice did you hear? Did you think, “But, it’s my job to take care of others…”?

Listen, you have to advocate for what you need so that you can continue to take care of others. I’m going to offer you some scripts, below. I want you try them on and see how they feel. All of these are rooted in boundaries. Boundaries are a way we can self-advocate for our needs. They tell other’s what’s ok and what’s not ok. You can download our boundary guide here, or send this link to others for a great tool! 

For caregivers: I love caring for our family. You mean the world to me. This Saturday, I have an opportunity to spend some time with friends for the day. I’m wondering how we can plan for me to be away? It will be good for all of us for me to re-charge. 

For educators: Kids’ behavior feels especially challenging for me right now. I’m going to extend one of our long weekends with my PTO. I’ll be sure to make sure the substitute is well-prepared. What else can I do before my absence? 

For healthcare providers: I’m going to need to ensure my lunch hour is blocked. No double-booking prior. I’m happy to help our team out in other ways, even double-booking me in the afternoon. But just before my lunch means that I get behind and skip eating, which is non-negotiable. When can I anticipate this being updated on my schedule? 

For other helpers and healers: We need to re-balance my caseload. Working for (child welfare, home visiting, etc.) is my passion; but only working with toddlers (or another challenging group) feels really heavy. I’d like to balance my caseload with parent visits, older children, coaching, etc (whatever feels cup-filling to you) so that I can continue to show up in an authentic way. 

I want you to notice a few things: 

·      The requests are compassionate 

·      The requests honor your needs 

·      The requests are non-negotiable 

How do these scenarios feel to you? How would you modify them? What questions do you have? I’d love to help you make better scripts, meet your needs, and self-advocate. 

If you’re in an organization that could use help like this for you and your staff, reach out!

2 days.

The time it takes me to feel less edgy and grumpy. 

4 days. 

The amount of time it takes me before I don’t reach for my phone constantly to check for updates. 

2 days. 

The number of times I opened my laptop for work – on the plane there, once for a team check-in. 

Dozens. 

The number of slack messages I left unread or marked unread to go back to later. 

To be honest, it’s tremendously hard for me to shift into vacation mode as a business owner. It has nothing to do with my team or the work I know they do behind the scenes. It’s a constant feeling of responsibility that’s ingrained in me. 

You know what helps? 

5 

The number of people I love on vacation with me. 

10 

The number of days I had with people I love. 

8 

The number of dinner reservations, so I didn’t have to worry about dinner. 

Thousands 

The number of times I laughed, smiled, or felt grateful for small moments. 

Every time I was tempted to work, open my laptop, worry about numbers, contracts, or people to serve, all I had to do was look around. There was too much to miss. I can only continue to serve, help others, make a difference, and spread love and awareness in the world if I rest. I am constantly telling others that self-preservation is non-negotiable. This week, I engaged in self-preservation. For myself, my family, and people I love to serve. 

I cannot wait to launch into April, restored and ready for our first conference. If you’re ready to work with us in 2026, we can’t wait to meet!

P.S. The Fall Conference dates are locked in! October 15-16, 2926 at Brasada Ranch in Eastern Oregon. Join our waitlist today!