When I became an empty nester this year, I didn’t expect how deeply I’d feel the emptiness of the house — or how often I’d think I’d left something behind. As I mentioned in my newsletter last week that so many of you were moved by, leaving Corvallis after dropping off my daughter, I felt that familiar tug, like I’d forgotten a water bottle or a favorite pair of sunglasses. But what I’d really left behind was a piece of my heart.

Since then, people have asked me: How do you stay connected? How do you keep close when your kids are grown and gone? The truth is, it’s the small things. I stay curious about their everyday lives — who they’re spending time with, what they had for dinner, what made them laugh today. We share memes, inside jokes, and family texts that make me feel like I’m still part of their world.

With my son, I ask about his work and the people who inspire or challenge him. With my daughter, it’s her classes, friends, and the rhythms of her new life. I never dismiss their thoughts as too young or trivial; I simply try to listen, celebrate, and love them for who they are becoming.

This past weekend, my daughter and I spent time together at a yoga retreat — her birthday gift to me. We laughed until we cried, shared quiet moments, and deepened our bond in a new way. I’ll always be her mom, but now I also get to be her friend.

If you’re navigating this same season, here are five small ways to stay connected from afar:

1. Send a care package filled with their favorite things.
2. Start a meme challenge — share your day using only memes.
3. Ask one curiosity question a week, with no agenda but connection.
4. Let them know their opinion matters — about life, the world, or their community.
5. Plan your next get-together — your heart will thank you.

Empty nesting is tender and bittersweet, but love, when nurtured, only grows — even across the miles. 

I was down in Corvallis this past weekend to see my children and watch the Beavers first win this year. Way to go Beavs! My daughter is a junior majoring in business, and my son made the trip down to hang out with us. As a first-year empty-nester, I spent most of the day Friday baking and prepping for a fun tailgating event. I express love through intentional details and thoughtful touches, and this weekend was no different. I gathered favorite treats, school-colored fall drinks, and LOADS of supplies. Based on what was in the back of my car, you’d have thought I was feeding the entire football team. 

The day flew by full of games, introductions, laughter, and a WIN for Oregon State. And today, my heart is full of love and memories, AND I’m feeling quite reflective and a bit sad at the same time. Oh, dualities – so many feelings can occur at the same time. 

It’s difficult to describe the sensation of leaving your children behind, or watching them drive off. If you haven’t yet had the experience, it might even seem dramatic. In so many ways, I’m in awe of them and proud of how I’ve parented them. After all, they’re doing exactly what successful young adults do – fly from the nest and soar! And yet, when you’ve spent twenty years building the nest and nurturing the little birds, it’s hard to see them go. 

As I drove away from Corvallis, I experienced a bit of panic. I thought I’d forgotten something. Did I leave my brush behind? A shoe? Did I bring my laptop and set it down? And then it dawned on me. I’m leaving without part of my heart. I didn’t forget anything. I just left without my people. It’s a dramatic shift moving from knowing the intricacies of their everyday schedule to getting updates here and there. To move from planning to visiting and prepping to joining. Don’t get me wrong, it’s such a joy to experience them as young adults. They’re kind, sweet, funny, and successful humans, and they’re some of my favorite people to spend time with. 

So, I simply miss them. When you’ve created such beautiful humans and then you leave them, there’s an indescribable ache. Thankfully, my husband caught my tears, squeezed my hand, and reassured me that they drive away because they’re so very successful and full of life. 

I know. Sigh. 

So, if you’re like me and missing your young adults a bit this time of year – because they’re away at college, working, or simply figuring life out – I’m with you, friend. Hang in there. Find your footing. You’re going to be okay – and so are they. 

Do you let your kids experience things as “good enough”? Or do you try hard to make things “just right” for your kids? Let me give you a few, small examples:

For littles: 

·      Hand-me-down clothes vs. new – good enough 

·      Meals on the go without judging yourself if it’s fast food or processed – good enough 

·      A quick wipe off vs. a bath – good enough 

·      Letting them feel bored vs. entertaining them – good enough 

For elementary age kids: 

·      Using the same backpack and water bottles as last year – good enough 

·      Reading the book together or on audio vs. forcing assigned reading – good enough 

·      Taking part in one activity at a time vs. overloading schedules – good enough 

·      Making do with a messy bedroom that the child has done him/herself vs. perfecting the room – good enough 

For adolescence: 

·      Allowing them to make and take their own lunch, even if it’s not the most nutritious – good enough 

·      Saying no to all the new gadgets, using older versions – good enough 

·      Used cars, used clothes, a style of their own – good enough 

·      Submitting partially done or not doing homework vs. managing their online platforms – good enough 

I’m pointing out small, benign examples because I believe they pave the way for learning ways to cope with situations that might not be ideal. I think this is how children learn to be ok – content with a bit of discomfort or not having things exactly their way. In a world of “Have it your way” and “If it’s not perfect, we’ll re-make it” – we teach kids that they don’t have to learn to cope with discomfort, and it’s not doing them any favors.

Take a look at the boys in this photo. That’s where they slept overnight, and I caught that picture in the early morning of a rodeo competition. Soon after, they climbed out from under the truck, found some food and a change of clothes in their truck, and headed into the arena to compete. They never asked for anything more. And no one offered. Sure, had it been extremely cold, raining sideways, or freezing, this incredible community would have offered them shelter. But, we also respected that they made the drive, paid their fees, and decided that paying for a sport or paying for a hotel was a choice. And the ground was “good enough” for these tough cowboys. 

And you know what else these boys now have?  A story about a summer full of riding bulls, going from one rodeo to the next, sleeping under a truck in the heat of summer, and going all out for the thrill of a ride. 

Sometimes, protecting our kids from discomfort robs them of a story, of learning about grit and sacrifices, and it disallows them from figuring things out for themselves. I bet they were mighty grateful for their beds and a warm shower when they got home. 

So, tell me, what are YOU doing to allow your kids to experience things just as they are, good enough, so they can grow and problem solve on their own?

In a world that feels heavy, I thought I would focus on a few glimmers. Sometimes, when things feel negative and polarized, glimmers, or little shimmers of hope, keep me going. How about you? Have you seen some glimmers lately? Here are a few for me: 

1. Taylor Swift released a new album into the world. If you don’t enjoy her music, you’re in the minority. If you do, yay! I’d love to know your favorite new song. Millions of Swifties waited in line, downloaded songs, and danced in public venues. Little moments of collective joy remind me that we are all connected in small, sweet ways. 

2. Montana. I went to Billings this past week to present at a conference for Montana Pediatricians. The Montana AAP welcomed me with open arms. Montana is such a beautiful state, full of kind, brilliant, thoughtful pediatricians making a difference in the lives of children. We spent the day discussing Autism Spectrum Disorders, Vaccines, and my favorite, RELATIONAL HEALTH AND CONNECTION! Plus, my husband and I enjoyed a beautiful daytrip to Red Lodge, MT and found the cutest shops. 

3. Chamoy chips by Late July. Oh, my goodness! I love the sweet and savory kick of these crunched into a salad or scooping up beans and salsa. It’s made my summer feel like it lasted just a bit longer. 

4. Decorating for Halloween. While I’m a summer-lover, getting out pumpkins has made my heart happy. It means the days will begin to chill, folks will bundle up, fires will get toasty, and…my birthday will arrive by month’s end. Here’s to October!

5. Robots on the OSU campus. For some reason, I see them like cute little animals canvassing the campus, searching for hungry students. They yield to traffic, keep food warm, and thoroughly entertain folks watching them pass. 

If you’ve reviewed my list, you can see that the things that tickle me and make me feel happy are pretty vast and often tiny moments of joy. I didn’t mention people, other than T.S., because that’s for another time. But I hope you enjoy these sweet, simple glimmers that keep me grounded and content amidst some of the chaos we’re enduring. 

What are your glimmers?

If you haven’t registered yet for our fall conference, there’s still time – this is the last week for a discounted lodging rate, fyi. See you in a few weeks!

Thank you to all of you who showed up two weeks ago. And, I love seeing that some of you have watched the workshop who could not attend in person. Please share the recording every one you know who loves children. 

I’ve also compiled a list of resources here to guide you. 

Books for Children 

A Terrible Thing Happened 

Chameleon and the Color of Brave 

I Saw it Happen 

When Sad, Scary Things Happen 

Websites & Pdfs 

Interventions for Children Exposed to Violence 

Mobilizing Trauma Resources for Children 

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 

Futures without Violence 

Learn more about Psychological First Aid: 

Psychological First Aid 

Podcasts 

One in Ten Children 

Using Conscious Discipline for Children Exposed to Violence 

Center on the Developing Child 

Talking with Kids about Violence 

If you know if other resources, I’m happy to collect them and share on our website. 

Keep the conversations coming. It’s the only way we’ll heal. 

Dr. Amy is out on the road this week, traveling and training — so in lieu of our typical newsletter, we want to share something meaningful with you.

Thank you so much to those who joined us for Saturday’s community chat on violence. Your thoughtful questions and generous hearts made for a powerful conversation. If you couldn’t make it, we’d love for you to watch the recording and share it with your workplace, colleagues, or friends who might find it helpful. Together, we believe communities like ours are where real change begins.

👉 Watch The Recording Here!

We’d also love to extend an invitation to our upcoming Fall Conference in Central Oregon. If you’re a professional working with children and families, this two-day event offers practical tools, connection, and a chance to restore your own well-being.

📍 November 6–7, 2025
📍 Brasada Ranch, Central Oregon
📍 Hosted by Dr. Amy & Team

You can register here: doctoramyllc.com/conference

And if your organization would like Dr. Amy to come speak about wellness, children & trauma, or host a custom training on relational health, reply to this email — we’d be glad to connect.

My heart is heavy this week. I’m usually pretty good at compartmentalizing. But for about three weeks now, when there was another school shooting in Minnesota, things have felt harder to silo. As I was collecting my lunch for the day, pouring coffee, and grabbing last-minute items to leave for work, I heard the announcement about Annunciation Catholic school and I froze. This is where my best friend’s baby went to school, her nephews, her neighbors. Within minutes of the news breaking, I received a text “…they are not there, thankfully. But our neighbors, our friends, and teachers. It’s horrific.” I took a deep breath. Then, I had to move on, momentarily. Invited to a Head Start in-service to kick off their school year with hope, I needed to drive to another site with teachers, full of anticipation for the school year. 

And this week, two more horrific shootings. At least two that made the news. Countless others. In Colorado, where two students were hospitalized and the perpetrator shot himself and later died, followed by the assassination of Charlie Kirk. We live in a country where coverage a school shooting was interrupted by coverage of an assassination. It’s unfathomable to me as a woman, wife, mother, psychologist, health professional, sister, auntie, and friend. Any lost life is too much.

As I cried, prayed, contemplated, walked, processed and held space for grief, I’m turning towards the only thing I know how to do: ACTION. Control what I can control. And here’s what I can control: providing a space of openness, education, and information-seeking. I’m not seeking to testify in Congress. I will not change our administrative policy. I cannot shift the minds of lobbyists. I do not want to further politicize lost lives. But I can offer ways to talk to children and your families about violence, communication, and conflict resolution. It’s the only way I hold onto hope right now. 

At the end of the day, it’s connection that heals. It’s coming together that matters. Here are two ways you can join me:

1. Let’s gather on Saturday at 9am PST/10am MT/11am CT/Noon EST. I’m going to show up for as many people as possible. Whether that be five of us or 500. And I’ll stay as long as there are questions. Invite friends, please! Here’s what we’ll cover:

a. How to talk to children in developmentally appropriate ways about violence.

b. How to model conflict resolution for children of all ages.

c. Ways to buffer our children from stress & trauma and build connection.

2. If you’re a professional, attend our fall conference. Learn about how we mitigate stress and trauma through brief interventions that build relational health and connection. And if you’re not a professional that works with kids and families, sponsor someone else to attend.

I hope to see so many of you this Saturday. I do not care about your religious or political beliefs. If you love children and want to support them, I encourage you to show up. This is how things change – with small and mighty groups who are purposeful about how we handle conversations and model conflict resolution with our children.

Can you believe that we’re into September? Are you “bring on the pumpkin spice” in August, or are you “happy to wait for fall y’all”? Whatever camp you fall into, I hope you’re considering spending some time with us in Central Oregon this fall. 

My brother and I have an ongoing chat about what defines character. He calls it the grocery cart test. I refer to it as the poo test. He says he watches people in grocery store parking lots to see what they do with their grocery cart after they’re done shopping. Some folks walk it all the way back to the store. Others take the time to walk it to the nearest cart-sorting area. Then there are those who look side to side, then simply leave their carts abandoned in the lot, near their car. Darn, which one are you? I use a similar test of character when it comes to picking up dog poo. This has become especially illustrative because I’ve moved recently and there’s a lot of construction going on around me. I walk my sweet lab about three times a day, to stretch our legs in what would otherwise be a lot of desk work, and so she can do her business. No one is around where we walk. I could, like many others, just leave the poo. But I don’t. I walk around with one of those little bags and scoop up the poo, transport it home, and toss it out. 

Why are these acts important? Because actions, when no one else might see them, define your character. What you do when no one else is watching is who you are. Turns out, whether or not you put away your shopping cart or pick up your poo says a lot about your character. Not because these small tasks are difficult, but because they say a lot about work ethic, values, and  your personality. Are you leaving the world just a bit better, even when no one is looking? Do you throw litter out your window because “no one is around” or do you speak ill of others when your tummy says no? Pay attention to these little acts and see what matters to you. 

In a world of social media, we’re constantly comparing. We engage in behaviors or acts of service, at times, for accolades. But would you do those things if no one knew? If no one said, “Hey, that’s beautiful,” or “You’re so generous,” or “I appreciate that,” would you still do it? 

Anyway, those are my ponderings as I walk Penny, pick up the poo, and head home. I’m really not trying to be self-righteous. I’m sure there are a lot of habits I have that annoy others. I’m simply trying to raise our collective awareness to what matters and, I believe, little behaviors over time add up to who we are…even when no one is looking. 

And if you’re grocery shopping outside of Atlanta, Georgia, watch what you do with your grocery cart, because my brother is noticing.

There’s been a lot of back and forth on social media lately about gentle parenting. Gentle Parenting isn’t getting canceled. It’s just reframed. Often, what happens is that we re-name or reframe paradigms into new packages. Historically, we’ve referred to parenting styles or discipline styles as authoritarian, authoritative, permissive or neglectful. For the record, I don’t love those terms and, in my course, Cards for Connection, we use less shame-based titles and embrace an entire continuum of discipline styles. For the sake of this discussion, gentle parenting would fall somewhere between permissive and authoritative – lots of discussion, democracy, kind, loving responses.

The problem with that type of approach is that it lacks certainty – for both the parent and the child. Children thrive with predictability, expectations, and structure. They also need guidance as their brain grows and develops. If you give too many choices or you seem uncertain or laissez-faire, children can feel pretty confused. So, we try to balance gentleness with firmness. Kindness with clarity. That’s an authoritative approach. 

I’ll give you an example of both approaches: It’s time to go outside to soak up the last days of sunshine. Your 4-year old, Joey, is ready to dive into the pool. 

Gentle parenting – 

Mom: Joey, it’s sunny out, we need to put on sunscreen.

Joey: I don’t like sunscreen, it gets in my eyes. 

Mom: I know that it burns. Let me know when you’re ready. 

Joey: Begins to move toward the pool.

Mom: Joey, can we put on the sunscreen now? How do you feel about that?

Joey: No. 

Mom: Would you like to put it on yourself? Maybe that would feel better.

Joey: No. 

Mom: You really need sunscreen. If you don’t wear sunscreen, you can get burned and that’s painful. I’ll try to keep it out of your eyes, ok? It’s really important.

Joey: No.

And on and on…

Authoritative (Warm AND Firm; Kind AND Clear): Want to know what Dr. Amy calls this approach? You’ll have to take the certification course! Join us in November!

Mom: Joey, I’m going to put sunscreen on you before you get in the pool.

Joey: I don’t like sunscreen, it gets in my eyes.

Mom: That stinks, but you have to wear it. Do you want to put it on, or should I?

Joey: Neither.

Mom: OK, you can just sit here by me in the shade then. No sunscreen means no pool. 

Joey: But I want to swim!

Mom: Then you wear sunscreen. I’ll put it on now.

Do you see the difference in the two approaches? 

Tell me your observations! Let’s chat! What feels hard or uncomfortable?

Hang in there, you’ve got this!

Soak up those last rays – sunscreen NOT optional!

I can smell glue sticks, fresh folders, and brand-new shoes if I close my eyes and envision the first days of school. Some of you have already sent your babies off to begin the school year and some of you have yet to do so. Regardless, please know that I’m holding you in my heart as you transition. Maybe you’re SO ready for summer to be over. Ack, planning a summer of camps and entertainment can be exhausting. Staying up late as they’re outside playing and enjoying life as the summer drags on might feel tiring. Or maybe you’re soaking up sunshine, stickiness, and ice cream. Perhaps, you’re dreading the last hug or squeeze before kindergarten or high school. Or maybe tears spring to your eyes as you imagine packing up the car for college. Wherever you are, you can do this. 

Here’s my mantra for this time:  

As they venture bravely out into the world, know that you’ve prepared them to be kind and strong. Your heart is going out into the world. It’s going to feel hard. Hard doesn’t mean they’re not ready; it means that your love is extending. Your love will hold them.

And here is a sweet quote that has helped ground me these past few weeks, from Rachel Stafford: 

May you trust that this is not the end, but the quiet unfolding of a new beginning – for them and for you.

May the space they leave behind feel less like absence and more like a place still echoing with laughter, love, and the promise of their return.

May you know, deep in your bones, that your role was never just to hold them close – it was to see them go forth on their path of independence.

May you feel their love in unexpected moments. 

May you release the constant need for updates, and trust that the love you built can stretch farther than distance.

May you remember: they are not lost to you. They are becoming.

And now that you’ve launched them, please consider taking a peek at your calendar and joining us for our fall conference – made just for you!