In March, we’re talking about less aloneness. Last week, I shared a sweet story about my sweet friend, Ann. This week, I’m offering 5 examples of offering less aloneness to others. I’d love to hear from you about how you offer space to others so they feel less alone. Here are mine:

1. Make a sacrifice. Last Sunday morning, at the wee hour of 3:30 a.m., my best friend departed with her daughter, Claira. They had a 6 a.m. flight. Alyson, at first, insisted that she and Claira take an uber to the airport, so as not to disturb my family at such an early hour. No way! She had traveled with a 5-year-old, across the country, because it’s important to us that we show up for each other. I know what it’s like to travel with littles. I know what it’s like to schlep bags and car seats through airports. So, at 3:15, I climbed sleepily out of bed, made coffee for us, packed the car, and warmed it up for her sweet girl. Together, we made sure she was cozy in the back, tucked in and warm. It also meant more story-sharing on the way to the airport, long hugs goodbye, and a sweet kiss from Claira in her jammies. She could have taken the uber. But company and connection are golden. I wouldn’t miss a moment.
2. Make it regular and consistent. My son still lets me tuck him in at night. It’s not an official tuck in anymore because, truly, as an 18-year-old, he stays up later than me most nights. But every night since he was a baby, this has been our routine. And, some day, I won’t get to do this. These are the moments he’s vulnerable. These are the moments he lets me climb in next to him and be close. When we show up regularly and consistently for the small stuff, that’s when we get to be part of the big stuff. It’s so true. Because we have regular check-ins, when hard feelings, deep thoughts, or personal sharing come up, it’s “just another night” and I’m there. Being consistent matters. People depend on consistency.
3. Make it relatable. Less aloneness comes when people in our lives feel that they can relate to what we’re going through or vice versa. There’s a phrase, “common humanity” referred to by Dr. Kristin Neff, that allows other people to see themselves through us. My hope is that this newsletter offers common humanity and relatability. I make mistakes regarding parenting and relationships daily. I have pain and sorry. When I share this, as a psychologist and expert on relationships, my hope is that it offers relatability to everyone who reads this. Every week, someone (and sometimes many people) writes back to me and responds with some version of, “thank you for seeing me” or “I see myself in you.” Feeling less alone means everything to me.
4. Make it funny. One sure sign of emotional intelligence is the ability to be funny and self-deprecating. I think it shocks people when I share that I don’t like my kids at times. Or, when I curse in front of hundreds of people by proclaiming, “Kids are supposed to do dumb shit, it’s developmentally appropriate.” Or, when I break out in dance, or song, or tell horrible dad jokes. Dad jokes are my favorite. If you have one, send it back here to me! Also, fun science, when we laugh, it releases “feel good” chemicals in our brains, which alleviates stress, helps us bond, and connect! All good for loneliness!
5. Make your offering of humanity. When we’re vulnerable with others, it shows humanity. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean spilling our guts, sharing all of our trauma, or offering anything we are not yet ready to share. What it does mean is sharing examples of how we’re human. How we’re messy people. And, how no one person is better than others. Any time we share vulnerable parts of ourselves, it allows connection to seep in and loneliness to be pushed away. Who are you vulnerable with in your life? 

Friends, I hope this spurred some ideas of ways to create less loneliness in others’ lives and your own. Next week, we’ll dive more fully into how you can feel less alone, as an individual.