You know what’s been really fun this last week? Creating and updating my speaker page with my Project Manager, Tegan, of Mod Creative. And, working with my business coach, Megan Hale! Sometimes, we MUST invest in ourselves to create the most accurate portrayal of who we are and what we’re passionate about in our lives and career.
Most of you know that I do a TON of speaking engagements every year. In 2023, I’ve already worked with Women’s Healthcare Associates, Care Oregon, Queenscare Health, & I’m headed to Salem this week to speak with Oregon Head Start Association. Next week, I head down to Lane County to speak with the Lane County Medical Society. I’m also doing a lot of virtual work with early childhood professionals through Prevent Child Abuse Oregon. Whether it’s virtual trainings or in-person retreats and keynotes, I find it SO VERY FULFILLING!
It’s perfect timing too because I have a few spotsavailable for half-day trainings and lunch-and-learn inspirations in February & March. If you’re interested in having me speak with your organization, grab a time here so we can chat and get it on your calendar for 2023!
Let me tell you a story – I was training a group of physicians about creating resilience for their patients – a lifeline of support to bridge the gap of access to mental health resources and help families feel more competent. And as we worked together, transformation began. The providers began to share their stories about patients whose lives they’d touched and how this work was “the most important medicine” they had learned in their career. We discussed barriers to providing exceptional healthcare and addressing stress in trauma – and as we created community and conversation, you could feel the energy shift. It was truly magical!
Thanks so much again for creating such a meaningful, open, and warm environment for our teams and community members and for all of the information you presented!
Fritz Jenkins Administrator OHA Program Integrity Oregon Health Authority
I’m known for creating keynotes and speaking events that entertain, educate and create meaningful conversations – whether it’s an audience of 30 or 3000. I talk about topics that feel tricky, difficult and hard to access – because, you know what? We’re human and we ALL struggle with these issues. Plus, I roll in actionable tools for individuals and organizations to implement immediately.
So, I hope you reach out today. We CAN grow together through relational leadership training. We CAN thrive as organizations and create wellness and vitality for all. We CAN mitigate the effects of trauma by focusing on resilience. We do it TOGETHER, in community.
When you hear the word trauma-informed care, what comes to mind? Do the words speak to you? During this short introductory podcast, we join Dr. Amy on the journey that she began many years ago when she first started exploring the world of trauma-informed care and meet her where she is today… making a podcast to help the world better understand.
During this podcast, Dr. Amy discusses her early start and experiences in trauma-informed care. While working with both incarcerated adults and very young children who had experienced significant trauma in their lives, she observed that their files were shockingly similar, almost like a continuum from childhood through early adulthood. Through the course of her residency, she learned that this phenomenon has a name: complex trauma.
When you hear the word trauma-informed care, what comes to mind? Do the words speak to you? During this short introductory podcast, we join Dr. Amy on the journey that she began many years ago when she first started exploring the world of trauma-informed care and meet her where she is today… making a podcast to help the world better understand. From early discussions surrounding the ACEs study to developing a curriculum and becoming a subject matter expert, Dr. Amy opens up the conversation about trauma-informed care and what it means in our ever-changing world.
In this episode, we also discuss the vision and makeup for this podcast, which is:
A mix of education
Guest speakers
Elevate voices to be sure we’re always looking at trauma through the lens of equity
Spotlight providers working in areas that you might not be as familiar with and,
Every once in a while, I’ll provide a little re-cap because this can be overwhelming work
Keep listening to people’s stories and let them transform you. Keep sharing your own because your humanity will heal others.
I just finished an incredible meeting with Care Oregon, with members of their clinical leadership team. Can I just say how much inspiration they instilled? Care, compassion, curiosity and intention were present. I was moved to share a story of connection. We’ve spent three hours together over the course of the past two months and had the luxury of diving into some intentional leadership skills. If you’re interested in doing this type of work with me, I’d love to talk more!
We had been discussing the importance of connection, relational leadership and modeling a sense of common humanity. I had encouraged them to think about ways to connect with their staff and each other with intention. We can model vulnerabilities and empathy without oversharing or being unprofessional. It struck me how one clinic emulated this sense of community and story-telling.
Tell us about a patient you’ll never forget.
I wasn’t there, but I can imagine. Even telling the story provoked memories of so many patients and families I had experienced. A flood of memories came over me within seconds. The young 5-year-old who was assigned as a boy at birth, but every time she drew pictures of herself, it was a little girl in princess dresses. I still recall walking her family through this information and transition. Or my long-time client who I sat with days before she died from an aggressive brain tumor. The teenager who asked me, “What’s a job I can take so I can be far away from people who hurt me?” He’d been deeply hurt in foster care. So many memories were summoned.
Who do you think of? How did their story impact you? How were you changed as a person?
When we draw on stories and invite others to share in community, we feel less alone. And less aloneness is EXACTLY what we need right now. When we allow voices of lived experience to arise, when we invite others to share, we increase intimacy and trust. These simple acts create an environment of mutual respect.
And you know what? When someone shares these tender stories, or you share your own, you need not DO anything else. Just listen. Sit in the pain and presence. Offer support and kindness. We’re ALL dealing with hard stuff right now. You’ve simply provided a holding space.
It was such a beautiful example of what we’d discussed, I just had to share. I hope this inspires you and creates a stimulus to connect with others in meaningful ways. You need not endure tumultuous times by yourself, nor should your team.
If you want to learn more about how to do this important, moving, vital work that will help you and your organization thrive, reach out. I’d love to chat. Or, happy to just listen to your story.
The newsletter last week on the importance of connection touched so many of you. I absolutely LOVE hearing from you and how the newsletter impacts you. Thank you so much for sharing stories. I thought I’d continue on this path and share a concept that you may or may not have heard of. It’s closely related to “how” we connect or “in what way” to connect. The concept is called, “delighting in” and it’s important in both adult and child relationships.
To delight in – What does this mean? Let me explain through stories and examples.
Your baby giggles and your heart fills with joy. You giggle back and try to mimic the same behaviors that elicited the giggles. She giggles again and the room is filled with the beautiful sound of you and your baby laughing. You’re delighting in her.
You see your toddler run around the corner from daycare – excitement in his eyes to see you after a long day apart. He leaps into your arms, “I missed you daddy.” You say, “I missed you too, buddy” and revel in the sweet smell of him. You’re delighting in him.
Your nine-year-old gives a book report to his entire class of kids with parents watching on. You swell with pride, knowing the bravery and strides it took for him to stand and speak to 40 individuals. That’s delight.
Your twelve-year-old searches for you in the sea of parents at the choir concert. She’s nervous and fidgety until she finds you. She smiles, relaxes, and you smile back with a big thumbs-up, encouraging and providing safety from across the gym. You’re delighting in each other.
Your sixteen-year-old looks up after losing the race. He searches for you, for any hint of disappointment. But you simply lock eyes, put a hand over your heart, give space and smile proudly. He knows the love is unconditional. He delights in your love.
Your partner walks in the front door after a long day of work. You can smell him. Feel him. He walks over and embraces you and, despite the long day, you feel safer and calm. You’re delighting in each other.
You laugh with your family over an inside joke. No one else knows why you’re laughing. You all erupt with laughter and can’t hold back the joy in knowing. You’re delighting together.
Do you see? Delighting in portrays a mutual engagement of love, unconditionality, and physical and emotional safety. It’s the feeling of pure joy in another human being. And, as some authors say, it is the foundation for self-worth.
In the movie, My Life, with Michael Keaton, he talks about the importance of kids “marinating in love” from their parents. Then, when their good and ready, they can go out into the world.
Urie Brofenbrenner, a famous psychologist and researcher says, “Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about him or her.”
I think adults need that too. Think of it this way – if you’re not delighted in as a child, what do you learn about your worth? How will that look in school, in relationships and, later, in your adult relationships? Think about adults you know – can you tell who’s been delighted in as youth, as professionals, as people? I bet you can.
Probably, one of the most rewarding parts of teaching and training is when adults who work with children understand this concept. I explain examples as shown above, often, met with tears from participants. “I don’t think I was ever loved this way.” “I’m not sure anyone every delighted in me.” “My life would have been so different.” These are all common responses I hear from folks.
But here’s the great news, you can heal. You can create delight in your children. In your students. In your patients. In your partners. Delight in them! Show them how irrationally crazy you are about them. Let them marinate in your love and watch how they change! It’s an incredible transformation.
If there’s something about parenting, helping, treating, or healing that I could shout from the rooftops, it would be the importance of connection. Small, tinctured doses of connection. Big, touching moments of connection. Every day. Tiny, quality moments. Long hugs, big laughs, devoted attention type-of-connection.
From an attachment perspective, these moments of connection matter tremendously. From a helping & healing perspective, these moments create trust in relationships. For any relationship, connection says, “I see you. You matter. Let me make time for you.”
My son is 15, weeks away from turning 16. This past weekend, everyone else in our family had plans, so I poked my head in Jack’s room and said, “What are your plans for Saturday night?” Mind you, asking a teenager on a date is like trying to be around a cool kid when you don’t feel so cool. Try not to make a big deal about it, try to be casual, try to act removed just a bit. He looked up from his phone and said, “No plans, why?” I casually said, “No big deal, just checking. Ryan & Sophia have plans, but I don’t.” Jack’s eyes lit up – “Do you want to go get hamburgers and see a movie mom?” Oh, my heart. My sweet little boy, now donning a mustache, towering me by 5 inches, all sinewy muscles and hormones. “Sure. That would be nice.” Jack, “Cool.” and back to scrolling.
Fast forward to Saturday night. Between my offer and then, there was homework, after-school activities, chores, disagreements about homework and due-dates, obligations, and frustrations. One wrestling meeting, one swim meet, 5 dinners, lots of homework check-ins (breathe – his brain is still growing, it’s normal to need LOTS of reminders), drives back and forth to the barn, and bedtimes. What I’m getting at is that the date on Saturday night became really important – for both of us. It’s like the yummy stuff that fills in the cracks of all-things obligation, rules and structure. It’s a moment of connection where I’m letting my teenager know – you matter. And I’m available to you for fun and relationship-building even when everything else around us feels stressful. I’m unconditional with you and no matter how tough the week is, I’d never take this time away from us.
He drives us to the movies (not a bad driver, but still terrifying). He opens the door for me to the theater (ok, some of this parenting stuff is working). He orders SO MUCH food and sugar (worth it!). He sits close and whispers questions and comments about the movie. It’s bliss. And after, he doesn’t want to rush home to video games or friends. He asks if we can go get ice cream (more food??) and plays DJ all the way home (So.Much.Rap).
Not every moment is like our movie night. Not every moment with your kids, friends, patients, partners, etc. will be either. But these are the moments that matter – don’t mistake that. When you have moments of connection, they become the foundation of the relationship that says, “No matter how tough other moments may be, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You matter.”
Think about the next week for you. Where will you make time for connection? With a friend, your partner, your child, your patient, or maybe for yourself. Be intentional. Connection matters.
So last week, I talked a great deal about vulnerability risks. If you missed it, here it is. I heard from several of you who said things like, “I forwarded this to ‘my Alyson’ and thanked her,” or “I need to find ‘an Alyson’.” I love hearing from you and always love to read your emails, so thank you!
Today, I want to talk a bit about a way to express vulnerability by showing up more authentically. Authenticity is a way of being honest, transparent and genuine. It allows people to see our humanity and feel connected to us in more meaningful ways. Often, in our society, we focus on performance and appearance which interfere with authenticity. We feel like we need to “keep up” socially, financially and with toxic positivity in order to be accepted. The difficulty is that those behaviors are exhausting. When we feel the need to “appear” perfect all of the time, or as if we have our sh*t together, or that we always love our jobs, partners and kids, when end up isolating ourselves. However, when we begin to model authenticity, we find company from others who may also be struggling, overwhelmed or alone.
Here are some suggestions for modeling authenticity.
Model Imperfections
• At work: “It’s ok to ask for help, we haven’t shown you that how to do that yet.”
• At home: “Well, I guess it’s dinner out tonight. We tried something new and it didn’t work out.”
Encourage honest feedback (care is shown through transparency)
• At work: “Talk to me about what it felt like to be part of that meeting.”
• At home: “Let me give you a permission slip. You can tell me exactly how you feel right now without worrying I’ll be upset or punish you.”
Look for models of humanity
• At work: “I feel tired today, anyone else? What do you need?”
• At home: “I need a break. It’s ok to get overwhelmed, even with people you love.”
Encourage discussions about mistakes
• At work: “It’s supposed to be hard, this is our first time figuring this out”
• At home: “I’m sorry I yelled, can I try again? I bet that felt pretty scary for you.”
Focus on process vs. outcomes
• At work: “I bet that was exciting – we learned something new!”
• At home: “Let’s play a game where we make up the rules.”
Encourage an environment of gratitude
• At work: “I see you, I appreciate you.”
• At home: “Thanks for helping out, it makes more time for fun!”
I bet if you took just one act of authenticity and practiced it for a bit, you would see how your world shifts a bit. People will see more humanness in you and you’ll see them be quite forgiving. You’ll feel a bit lighter than when you have to perform and get things “just right” all of the time. You may even feel relieved.
Try out some authentic behaviors, or tell me how you’re already doing this. I’d love to hear from you. Let’s keep stumbling forward together!
With compassion,
Dr. Amy
PS – If you’re a provider ready to transform how you care for patients by learning about the MOST important medicine, relational health, at a conference that feels more like a retreat, then I’d love for you to join me at my next retreat created especially for you. Click here to learn more and get registered.
Join me at my next FREE workshop where you can learn new ways to address staff wellness and vitality. Click here to register.
I’m taking a moment to reflect on all things 2022…and wow! Can I just say, it was quite a year! As I begin to ponder my word of the year (I’m thinking brave, intentional or “in company” for 2023), I try to reflect first on what’s been accomplished, both small and large. Sharing ups and downs with all of you is incredibly important to me – so here goes!! Here are a few insights into what I’ve been up to – behind the scenes and publicly! If you want the clean, polished Dr. Amy version, feel free to skip the colored text. Otherwise, be sure to read between thelines…literally.
In July, The Provider Lounge was approved for Continuing Medical Education
In 2022, we welcomed almost a dozen physicians and as of this week, we welcome 43 more!!
Whenever you host a party, you worry people won’t come. I spend hours fretting over whether I’m good enough and smart enough to host these amazing healthcare providers every month. We’re figuring it out together! I hope you join us if you’re a physician or healthcare provider.
Can I just say, the podcast has been one of the greatest gifts of 2022? Listening to your stories, hearing how the podcast has transformed your practices, brought hope into the world and has gained listeners from ALL OVER THE WORLD? Thank you!
Turns out, starting a podcast is pretty hard – don’t let anyone tell you differently. I have the hang of it now, but I spent many hours in front of Garage Band in tears!
Turned in the final chapters of my book to The American Academy of Pediatrics with my co-author, Dr. RJ Gillespie.
We’re still waiting for edits to come back from various subcommittees, but this work is important, grounding and will change pediatric care.
Thank you, RJ, for writing and dreaming with me. For believing, like me, that pediatricians should have this book in their hands yesterday! Thanks for sharing your life with me and allowing me to call you a friend.
Finished a year-long endeavor THRIVE, with an amazing colleague. We helped hundreds of healthcare professionals address vitality and workplace wellness.
We learn a lot about ourselves through partnerships. I’m grateful for the partnership and for lessons learned from our healthcare heroes. So many days, I left meetings with nurses, doctors, front office staff, BHC’s and administration who were in tears at the state of our healthcare system. I cried with them and for them.
If you’re not familiar with PCAO or TFFF, do so now! The leaders at the helm of these great, non-profit organizations are nothing short of exceptional!! The work they do and the lives they touch are wide spread. Every time they ask me to do something, I wonder, “Will I be what they need? Can I support their mission?” I’m so grateful for their partnership.
Continued work with Oregon Echo Network to provide education to hundreds of medical providers regarding child psychiatry and integrated behavioral health care.
Turns out, OEN supports all corners of our state. I’m humbled every week by the brilliance and self-sacrifice physicians in our state make, and yet show up to learn best practices in our state. Thanks OEN! Also – being Oprah on zoom ain’t easy friends – but I’m up for continuing to try!!
You want to talk about a committed group of folks? People committed to children’s lives in our state – often folks who get a bad rap and are simply doing their best. If you haven’t read ODHS’s transformation statement to support keeping children with families – here it is! Read it before you judge them please!
Provided countless workshops on burnout, provider overwhelm and managing stress during unprecedented times in healthcare. Check out a recording here!!
Did I mention tears? Almost 200 of you showed up and countless others have watched the recording.
Got to work with so many sectors and areas across our state – I feel humbled to do this work!
Hired two associate consultants to add to my team!
My team – without them, there is no Dr. Amy. Especially Tegan, my PM, makes me polished, camera ready and lookin’ good for the public. I’m a lucky gal!
Behind the Scenes:
Got married – now Dr. Amy King!
This was the easiest part of the year – and the best decision I’ve ever made! Planning & executing a wedding while running a business – not for the faint of heart. But, with the help of friends, anything is possible. Best party ever!
Survived remodeling part of our home – not an easy task
TBH, don’t do this. Just don’t. Not while also getting married and running a business and about 50 million other tasks in the middle of supporting healthcare providers during a pandemic. Not recommended. Zero Stars on this one. This should have been in my 2023 or 2024 wrap up.
Began the process of senior year with my beautiful daughter
I’m documenting this in a book, but she doesn’t know. It’s The Year of Sophia and we are soaking up EVERY moment with this girl.
Survived prom, multiple rodeos, working on our farm, teaching my son to drive, trying to be a new wife, and housetraining a puppy.
These are the moments I live for, the moments I breathe for (not the puppy poo, but everything else). These are the moments I cherish.
Went on a vacation to Montana and a honeymoon in Hawaii. I feel so grateful for this.
Seriously though – Montana – lesson learned. I don’t recommend a vacation that’s too much like your life – we have enough horses, driving, barns and flies – but I DO recommend vacation with your best friend, river trips, and snuggling toddlers. That, I recommend highly. And honeymoon in Hawaii…seriously, pinch me.
Started therapy…again.
See bullet points 0-now…and that should answer your question. EVERYONE should have a therapist. As my friend, Ann Brown says – all Jewish people have their therapist, hairdresser, Rabbi and best friend on speed dial. Cheers to that.
Worked with trusted friends on my business & life. Thank you Karen Howells of The Howells Group & Kelly Johnson of Clarity Consulting– two incredibly inspirational women who I admire and hope to be like when I grow up.
If you don’t have friends like this, find them now! Kelly & Karen are moms, women, exceptional business people – but most importantly, they are grounded, servant leaders. We support each other, cry with each other, challenge each other and grow together.
Attended as many outdoor gatherings as possible!
BBQ, sunshine, margaritas
Survived/supported my son through two concussions from Saddle Bronc riding.
Yes, I cried. No, he didn’t. Yes, I’m still letting him ride.
Survived/supported my daughter through her first boyfriend and first break up.
Yes, I cried. Yes, she cried. No, I didn’t kill him. World, she’s ready for love again.
Sit in the love of best friends.
Probably the most important part of my mental health game. I call my best friend in Minnesota several times a week, more when we can. I complain & laugh & drink wine with Kentucky, hug Dr. C, shop & coffee with M, talk deeply & cook with JNo, and revel in The NBC. Without these women, I could not get out of bed – they give me meaning and friendship.
Sit in the unconditional love of my husband.
There’s no greater therapy than this man. He’s my biggest fan, the safest human, the most passionate, and the hardest worker. He’s my person.
Above all, I feel grateful. Grateful to support all of you as individuals, organizations and companies. And I’m honored that you entrust your staff, clinicians and personal time in me and my business.
If you have podcast ideas – send them my way. If I’ve scared you with honesty & vulnerability – I’m not your person. If you want to learn more about The Provider Lounge, join us! Just normal folks struggling with normal stuff.
This podcast is The Most Important Medicine: Responding to Trauma and Creating Resilience in Primary Care, and I am your host, Dr. Amy. This podcast is where I meet with healthcare providers to discuss what trauma is and how it presents in primary care. Then, we talk about how to respond to trauma by building resilience in ourselves and our patients. We’ll listen to providers tell their stories about how to bring humanity into medicine and transform how we respond to trauma through relational leadership, early relational health, and connection. It’s truly the MOST important medicine!
Welcome to the LAST newsletter of 2022. How is the year wrapping up for you? If you’re like me, it’s a mixture of emotions, elation, fatigue, and trying to find moments of joy. Reveling in these small, meaningful moments is what makes the holidays magic for me. Like taking sips of coffee from a holiday mug as I write to all of you!
As the year wraps up, I want to invite you to take part in a few gifts meant just for YOU!
The gift of The Provider Lounge: I’m onboarding 43 (!!) new providers into Provider Lounge in January. I’d love to make it 50 – so if you’re thinking about joining us, NOW is a great time.
We’re starting off January with the topic of boundaries – sound like something you need? Me too!
Your BHC joins for FREE with your membership – yep, free! And they get their own special meeting each month.
We tackle tough mental health issues that build resilience for your patients and bridge a gap for to meet their needs. If you’re like most providers I know, it’s a blessing to have some skills to use while outpatient mental health waiting lists are so long!
The gift of listening to The Most Important Medicine: Responding to Trauma and Treating Resilience in Primary Care. We’re transforming medicine here – don’t miss out! And let me know what episodes you’re loving.
The gift of FREE resources – we have SO many free resources on the website. Please feel free to share with friends too!
The gift of joining us for a free Provider Lounge meeting. If you’re not ready to take the dive and join us, come one time for free – you won’t be sorry!
Join me in Physician’s Anonymous for an intimate conversation with other physicians.
So, will you be one of the lucky seven to join us in January? Maybe this is the year you decide to invest in YOU! Or, perhaps you’d like to sponsor a membership for a resident or colleague. What a beautiful gift! Or, join with a friend! Have questions about it? Email me here!
In the meantime, please take time to let JOY into your life. Your patients, family and friends need you to experience joy so that you have continued energy to help others. You can be committed to your career AND take time for special holiday moments. You can love your work AND say no to commitments that exhaust you during the holiday season. You can care about practicing medicine AND need small breaks of solace.
No matter what gift you choose – please, as always, reach out for help and support.
