This week, my family and I venture off to Mexico. One thing that will be different and exciting is that both of my kids are adults now and they’re each bringing a friend or partner with us. I continue to love every stage of my children’s development for different reasons, but this year will be truly unique and fun!
If you’ve been following along the past two weeks, you know that we’ve been talking about loneliness. And, as I reflect on content for this week, it struck me how lonely I was eight years ago as I took my first, single-parent trip, to Mexico with my kids, just 9 and 11 at the time.
We faced such uncertainty at the time. Little did we know how much our lives were about to change. My marriage was in ruins. I had left my husband behind in Oregon, packed up the kids, and went to a foreign country, just the three of us. I spent countless hours walking through the white sand, tearful behind sun glasses, hiding my grief as my children ran to me or played in the sand.
I remember sitting in the sand, raking my hands across its warmth, contemplating divorce. I felt so lonely. Would my kids be ok? Having endured multiple divorces as a child, I understood how painful divorce could be. Having counseled hundreds of families, I knew, first had, their grief. How was I going to explain all of this to my kids? My family? My friends? How was I, a professional in relational health, counseling, and families, going to explain a failed marriage? And yet, I knew for sure that staying in my marriage meant sacrificing my spirit.
As I sat in the sand, watching Jack dive into waves, I listened to my inner voice. It was the first time, in years, I heard her. Rather, it was the first time, in years, I listened. “You are lonely right now, but you are not alone.” I looked up at my spirited son, as he beckoned me to dive into the water. I looked back at my beautiful daughter, playing mermaids in the pool with a new-found friend.
“Play,” the voice said. So, I did. I played, I swam, I walked, I ate, and I danced with my children. We all slept in the big king bed, reading stories, and waking up to cartoons in Spanish. We had hard conversations. We cried. Then, we played some more. We ate delicious food. I laid in the sun and soaked up its warmth and the love of my children.
As the days went on, I felt less scared. I found my voice. I asked my, then husband, for separation. I asked him to move out. And suddenly…as I listened to my voice, and what my children needed as a mother, I felt freer. I knew I might feel lonely at times, but that my friends, my family, and my children meant I was never alone.
Think of a time you endured hardship. Who was there for you? What did you withstand? Did a person, pet, or place make you feel less alone?
I’d love to hear from you. You are not alone.
