There are a few hard and fast ways to build connection with kids. One of them is showing up. When our children are little, it seems their requests are endless. The ways we are asked to show up are constant and may seem small or menial. “Mom, watch this,” as he splashed into the pool. “Mom, come here, I can find…” as she rummages through her room. “Mommy, where is my…” “Mama, come and see…” They search for you during school plays, concerts, and little league games, their eyes scanning the crowd until they find…YOU. Their person. 

Here’s my encouragement for you. Show up. Show up for all the little things. My kids must have gotten “married” a thousand times in our backyard. I’ve watched hundreds of bike races, doll shows, art galas, and countless sporting events. I’ve wrangled soccer players, volunteered for Girl Scouts (So.Many.Cookies.) and coached little league. My job allowed me to attend school events, leave work a bit early to catch send-offs, and celebrate last “everythings.”

And now, at 19 and 21, all of the little things add up to the big things. They still call. It’s 2:12 on a Saturday afternoon, and my son’s name and photo pop up on my phone. “Mom, I sold my first car! I’m on the leaderboard.” I celebrate him. “Mom, can I take Tylenol and allergy medication together?” He’s looking for my reassurance. “Mom, can I bring her home to meet you?” My chest swells with love. 9:22 on a Saturday morning, “Mom, I finished my first race since my surgery.” She’s on Facetime and shows off her medal. “Mom, how do you make pork loin in the crockpot?” And I walk her through the steps. “Mom, can I go on that business trip with you? Just me and you?” I can’t think of a better travel partner. 

For years, my husband and I have shown up for our kids. He races across town, 45 minutes in traffic, to be sure our daughter sees his face for the science fair in 8th grade. He’s the first to the pool, despite the fact that she never gets first place. We don’t care how they do; we care that they know we’re there, no matter what. I’m the first mom at the back gate to be sure our son has all of his gear and back number before he rides. He waves and tells me he loves me in front of his friends, even as a teenager. Showing up matters – it’s how children know with confidence, that they matter.

So, today, I was not surprised when my daughter called me, finishing a 5K after having knee surgery last summer. I’m rushing between airline gates, trying to find my connecting flight so I can teach a workshop. But she knows I’ll answer. She’s on the phone, Facetime, and she’s sweaty, smiling, and proud. She’s so excited to share her triumph, dangling her medal. And who shows up behind her on her phone? A head pops up onto the screen. It’s her brother. My son. They get it. We show up for each other. 

Showing up matters. If you want to build connection with your child. Show up for the small stuff. I promise it will all be worth it – build that pattern now. You’ll never regret it. 

Tell me, how do you show up for your family? How do you show up for kids?