The past few weeks, we’ve been talking about centering your needs and advocating for you. I want to tell you a messy story of self-advocacy.

For me, working out at the gym, moving my body, and starting my day focused on my health is non-negotiable. Well, that and coffee. When I was working at a non-profit, running a private practice, and raising small kids, it was difficult to carve time out for and prioritize my self-care. At first, I struggled to ask for the time because my children and my spouse needed me. Then, I struggled to carve out time because I prioritized work, clients, and my business. Finally, I prioritized other people’s schedules so that I wouldn’t be seen as inflexible, unaccommodating, or selfish.

Wow, did that backfire on me! You know who made time for me after all of that? NO ONE.

Friends, no one is coming to your rescue. No one is looking out for your time away, your sanity, your mental health, nor your sense of self. At a certain point, I felt so wiped out that I had no other choice than to begin to protect my schedule. Appointments at 7pm to accommodate clients? Nope. Consistently early meetings that left me tired and unable to hit the gym? Nope. Rushing through meals to get to the next thing? Nope.

I started saying no. At first, it was a teeny-tiny voice. Then, the more confident I got, the easier it felt. Here’s an example – a client wanted to see me at 7pm. I said, “I’m not working past 5pm anymore. My schedule has shifted. I can see your family at 4pm.” At first, there was pressure about their work schedule, their travel schedule, kids missing school, etc. I responded with compassion AND firmness. “I understand and I can give you a referral to another practice, but my schedule doesn’t offer that time anymore.”

Notice that I didn’t say why.

Notice that I didn’t overexplain.

Notice that I offered compassion AND boundaries.

Guess what, they sighed, and took the time I offered. My time is valuable. And SO.IS.YOURS.

The only thing we get in life is our time – it’s the most valuable asset we have to offer others. Once, I truly embraced that, it was life-giving. Try it on.

And, if you’re a leader who needs to practice this message of compassion WITH boundaries, reach out. We’re here to help.