We’re continuing our month-long exploration of humanity, from silly disclosures to more vulnerable offerings. Today, we lean into a bit of vulnerability. 

Did you know I have osteoarthritis? Mostly in my hands. And, no, it’s not just because I’m 49. My rheumatologist thinks it’s because I was really hard on my hands growing up – carrying trays in my family’s restaurant, playing softball, and, later, boxing as a way of training and fitness. Not kickboxing classes, but actually boxing with a coach. Hitting things (not people) hard – it felt great at the time! The good news is that boxing was mental relief during a horrible, upsetting divorce; the bad news, it destroyed my hands and created early onset osteoarthritis.

Most of the time, when I’m presenting, folks don’t notice. But I’m pretty self-conscious if I’m honest with you. I try to keep my nails painted and having long fingers definitely helps; and so does fun, beautiful jewelry. I tried some medication to prevent damage; but after a year of hair loss, fatigue, and upset stomach, I decided to simply manage as best I can. Please know, that if you take medication for a chronic condition, I support you wholeheartedly. I simply traded symptoms that I could bare. 

There are times I notice people looking at my hands with curiosity. Other times, I will fold them, close them, or position them so that the damage to my joints is less noticeable. But, when I can, I simply try to accept this as a part of me. For instance, people will notice a piece of jewelry or nail color and ask to look at my hands. I simply say, “I have some arthritis in my hands, in case you’re wondering.” Or, “Yes, but just know I’m a little self-conscious of my hands.” Sometimes, I just take a deep breath of self-acceptance. It’s my way to handle a bit of embarrassment combined with acceptance and sharing. 

This might seem small to you, but this self-disclosure. Especially if you’re a person living with a physical limitation or noticeable disability. And, it’s certainly not my intent to minimize your experience. Just an effort to share some of my insecurities in a more authentic way. 

I hope all of us have a bit more self-acceptance. So, there’s a little peek into mine.