Last week, I celebrated my 49th birthday. As I enter this last year of my fifth decade, I thought I would share a reflection from each decade. It’s also an exercise in development, which, as a psychologist who’s a developmentalist at heart, this is a fun activity. I’ll try to be succinct, but this is a LOT of years! Also, I’m keeping things somewhat general so that you might think about how this timeline applies to your life. 

Decade One, Ages 0-10 – Moving from us to me – these are the years that shape so much of who we are. We move from our family of origin to our individual selves in the world. We go from being part of a family to part of the larger world. Our schools, culture, and community shape who we are and relationships shape who we will become.

Decade Two, Ages 11-20 – Becoming me – Moving through latency childhood and through adolescence is tumultuous. We truly begin to figure out “who am I?” We ponder the groups to which we belong, the friendships that are meaningful, and relationships that we desire. We explore sexuality, friendship, vocation, ethnicity, development, and a quest for autonomy. 

Decade Three, Ages 21-30 – Finding me – Perhaps no other years create growth more than our early 20’s to 30. For most of us, that means moving out, finding a family or partner, exploring vocation, and self-reliance. Many people begin families and begin to lay down roots. We begin to find ourselves through relationships and purpose. 

Decade Four, Ages 31-40 – Losing me – As our life unfolds, we often lose ourselves, especially as women. Other people and obligations take priority over ourselves such as children and jobs. It’s also the first time many adults explore childhood trauma for the first time, face challenging relationships, and address parenting or family of origin issues. 

Decade Five, Ages 41 to present – Loving me – The 40’s are years of maturity, self-reflection, and growth. We often feel more confident in our skin, are beginning to heed life’s lessons, and take part in relationships that truly matter. We find sureness in who we are, become less apologetic for that person, and embrace genuine connection. 

What will my sixth decade of learning bring? You tell me – if you’re a reader of this newsletter over 50, tell me, what’s in store? And if you’re under 50 years old, does this timeline ring true for you? 

I love hearing from you!