This newsletter is late getting to my team. It’s 9:45 on Sunday night and I should have had it to them on Friday. Sigh. And then tonight, at 7pm, when I sat down to write this (still late) everything (and every person) in my house fell apart. I was going to write a fabulous email about loving the child you have, not the child you want. I’ll get to that next week when I enjoy being a mom again…
I love both of my children.
I do not always like them.
Both feelings are OK.
After a long weekend full of children’s activities in hot, sticky weather, catering to guests and running around, I simply wanted a hot shower and the ability to get this newsletter to my team. I just needed a few moments to think. Do you ever feel like that? “I just need a moment to sneak in my work, then I can finally (fill in the blank)?” Instead, we ended the evening with a loose horse on the farm, kids screaming at each other, and an exasperated mom. I stepped out of the shower, soaking wet, to hear two teenagers yelling at me from outside. I was sure a meteor had landed. But instead, we had a mini pony running around our yard. While this might sound funny, when it’s hot and dark outside and you have two cranky, tired teens, it’s less than funny.
They yelled at each other.
I yelled at them.
They yelled back at me.
It was lovely…
Eventually, we caught the horse, got every animal put to bed, came inside and sat. We talked about what happened, what we could have done differently and shared feelings more calmly. Then I sat with my younger child to hear his frustration and overwhelm through all of the fatigue. As we spoke, my daughter slipped a note under the door. She took accountability and offered repair. My son went outside the room, told her he forgave her and that he loved her.
And I simply cried.
So, later this week, I’ll have more intelligent things to say. Parenting in hindsight is always easier. Even as I write this, there are a thousand things we could have all done better. But I’m tired, so this is what I’m offering all of you.
Repairs, in any form, are essential to healthy relationships. On that note, I better get this newsletter to my team (even later!!) and apologize for making them wait.
PS – if you’d like to take my newest creation for providers – Healthcare Provider Burnout Quiz, you can find it here and share with friends. Let’s continue to talk about all of the overwhelm!