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Can we talk about the ELF??

December 7, 2020


Can we talk about the darn elf? I mean, really. I feel like elf vs. no elf has the stress and weight of stay-at-home vs. working moms in 2020. For some, the elf represents fun, tradition, mischief, surprise and little help to get kids to behave. For others, it’s stressful, elicits guilt, forgetfulness and overwhelm. 

I’ll never forget the year our elf arrived: Norman Pizza Owen, he was quickly named. Norman represented a mom’s helper at first – someone else watching for Santa to bribe my kids into behaving appropriately as he flew up to Santa each night to report back on naughty vs. nice behavior. Until the dog ate his head one night and it looked like Norma had a craniotomy. My kids were horrified when they saw the misshapen head. Or, until I forgot to move him and my young children looked sadly with disappointed faces and wonderment about why he didn’t move. Me: “I guess your behavior was questionable yesterday, we’ll see what happens tonight….” Then all day, telling myself not to forget, move the darn elf, put him somewhere cute and funny. 

Pinterest searches. Overwhelm settled in – my mommy counterparts had this dude swimming in marshmallows, building snow forts, colluding with GI Joe and Barbie, and making cookies during the night. It was all I could do to move the stinkin’ elf 6 inches. 

But everyone else was doing it. Everyone else was creating beautiful “elfie” memories and treasured moments of bribery for their children. I was a working mom with two little kids, exhausted by night’s end, but determined to make Christmas magical. Then…a Christmas miracle occurred, or tragedy, depending on your perspective. One year, my kids found the lobotomized elf – I had attempted to replace him so I could stop taping his hat on to prevent holiday trauma. Jack, probably about 6 or so at the time, found Norman in the office, on a shelf, mid-February. ACK. He looked up at me with the sweetest eyes and said, “It’s ok mom, we know Norman is you. He never moves. Let’s just focus on Santa. At least he’s real.” I felt…relieved. Guilty. Sad. Inspired. All of the above.

And I realized, holidays are what we make of them. Not someone else’s version. We can create our own traditions and eliminate unnecessary stress. Now, I choose to focus on traditions that matter to me and my children, not someone else’s version of the holidays. This year, we had turkey burgers with grilled pineapple for Thanksgiving. My kids LOVED it. This year, we are focusing less on “things” for gifts and more on experiences; because we’ve realized that experiences are what help us through pandemics and bring us closer together. 

So, whether you’re an elf family or elfless, please know that the most important part of elf-adoption is whether it brings you joy or stress

More joy, less stress this holiday season. That’s my wish for all of you. 

In the meantime, take a cue from my friend Melissa. She made things easy and put her elf in a 14 day quarantine upon his arrival. Bless her. That darn elf can simply sit on his behind for 14 days – so she’s left with only 10 days to remember to move the little guy. 

This week begins the December series focused on less perfection and more presence. Holidays are the BEST time to do so. 

Thinking of all of you with compassion,

Dr. Amy

PS – Please join my newest Facebook group, Parenting with Intention! It’s an amazing community of supportive parents full of love, ideas, and honesty.

Ready to let go of perfection and embrace presence? Join the waitlist for Dr. Amy’s parenting course here. It’s getting rave reviews!

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