If you’re like me, the last few weeks have been quite tumultuous. Between election results, important training for my team, and family engagements, I’m feeling tired. I’m putting a lot out into the world. And now, we’re about to walk right into the holidays. 

Might I offer some peace in the next few weeks? These are just a few thoughts that might guide us and help us to navigate holidays. I’ll give you my top five right now that are helping me find peace. 

1. Uncle Bob will show up during the holidays. We all have that family member who gets under our skin, speaks inappropriately, or blatantly activates us. Know this in advance and decide how you’ll stay regulated so that you can show up authentically during the holidays. For me, this means ensuring that I come to holiday gatherings with people and objects that are comforting to me – my husband, for instance, always has my back. For you, that might mean skipping some gatherings entirely. Pick your peace. 
2. You and Uncle Bob will never agree. Not over Facebook. Not over turkey. Decide before you break bread with someone what your hoped outcome is and then stick to it. My hope for family time during the holidays: creating memories and celebrating traditions. Uncle Bob can be a barrier or not, he can take up as much space as I allow him to. 
3. You might need boundaries with Uncle Bob. Sometimes, what Uncle Bob says is so activating and inappropriate, that we feel compelled to say something. If that’s the case for you, say it, speak your peace, and then continue to your hoped outcome. “Hey Uncle Bob, that’s misogynistic. I want my kids to know that women’s rights are people’s rights. Please pass the rolls.” 
4. You can still love Uncle Bob. In other words, you can love someone and not like them. You can love someone and not be in a relationship with them. You can love someone and love them from afar. You choose. 
5. Uncle Bob is good practice for the larger world. For you and your kids (or others you’re modeling for), Uncle Bob represents how you want to be in the world. There will always be folks like Uncle Bob in our lives. Please know that how we behave in the world, whatever our response is, we’re letting people know how much space they get to take up in our lives and how much energy they deserve. For me, there are certain people that simply don’t get to keep a lot of space in my heart and mind.  

So, in other words:

1. Think of ways to regulate prior to stressful events.
2. Decide which relationships deserve your energy, time, and presence.
3. Set boundaries that are genuine to you.
4. Know that others are watching. 
5. Practice these often.

I love you friends and I hope that you can find some peace in the upcoming weeks.